As I sit before my laptop facing a blank page, or, rather, with that blank page staring back at me, I am reminded of the emptiness I once felt upon moving to a state where I hadn't lived, to a city where I knew no one, and into a home with barren walls and a chapter of my life that had yet to be written. There were days (and many a night) when I felt that, yet again, I'd taken a wrong turn somewhere, had made yet another impulsive choice, and would surely regret my decision, for which I would pay dearly. The loss of a loved one often sends a soul into freefall, with no clear direction, and little guidance on which steps to take, and when they should be taken. But as I slowly gathered my strength, my resolve, and ultimately my 'spirit', the pieces of a shattered mosaic I once called 'my life' began to fall into place. I put pictures on the walls, frequented vintage stores for cheery (and marginally 'chic') accessories to brighten the barren spaces, and summoned the courage to venture out into a community where I started to meet people whose paths were not too different from my own. Funny how that goes!
Then one day I received a letter from a cherished teacher, now retired and living in Hawaii, who knew me as a child. Believe it or not, we've stayed in touch for over 5 decades, and counting! His words: "You must go to St. Christopher’s Episcopal Church and meet Mother Susan." It was all I needed to know, and so I did. And, from that day on, I've never felt like a stranger. And, I've never looked back. Finding my path through the forest of darkness, uncertainty, and doubts has been like an Advent in my own life on every level. Professionally. Spiritually. Personally. Perhaps even a 'renaissance' of sorts, and that is what has kept me going. This renewal, this Advent time, symbolizes everything I know from my relationship with the Divine, with Jesus, that if we remain faithful, steadfast and trusting of Him, there truly is light not only at the end of the tunnel, but also along the way. Even for me.
As I recently unpacked the last of the boxes still left in the garage (yes, I procrastinate!) I kept hoping I would find the missing gold St. Christopher medallion my late husband once wore, as it reminded me of the many ways God helped our marriage through many a tumultuous sea. And, although it might be gone forever, what I found was another piece of the mosaic that more than filled that empty space...a home called St. Christopher’s.
And, a home in my heart for God.
Daily Reading: Isaiah 60:1-3
1 Arise, shine; for your light has come,
and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.
2 For darkness shall cover the earth,
and thick darkness the peoples;
but the Lord will arise upon you,
and his glory will appear over you.
3 Nations shall come to your light,
and kings to the brightness of your dawn.